Tag: QUINCY

"Q" Land Stories, Meditations, The Little Children

Magical Meditations in “Q” Land: The Little Children and the Special Objects

Debra Worden
March 5, 2022

God brought me on a meditation many years ago. He does that sometimes. I closed my eyes and I saw myself. I watched myself from above. I was not myself as I am today. I was a little girl, innocent and pure. I was walking in a secluded field surrounded by tall pine trees filled with the beauty of nature. Even though the sun was shining intensely, the sky was still a bright blue. The colors of everything around me were so vibrant. The harshness of the bright sun washed away nothing. I was so happy.

I met up with other children in the field.  We all seemed about the same age.  They approached me from different directions.  A honey haired girl came from the left.  Then a blond haired boy approached from the right.  Two other children came walking together from the center of the field, a honey haired boy and a dark haired girl.  Like the field, none of us were tainted by the harshness of suffering in this world, not yet anyway.  We were open, free and uninhibited.  We were all so happy.

We joined hands in the middle of the field and began skipping around in circles like we were playing “Ring Around the Rosie”, but nobody was falling down, falling in, or falling out of the circle.  We were solidly joined and content to be playing, laughing and smiling up at the sky and at each other.  We all glowed with joy, just like the sun in the sky.

I saw birds of different colors flying overhead above us, like rainbows flying across the sky.  I saw animals in the field all around us, going about their business, happy and content just like us.  Even the blades of grass and the trees surrounding us were swaying in the breeze, seemingly dancing and filled with joy.  It was like heaven on earth for every living being in the field.

Then I and the other children stopped skipping in circles.   All at once, we ran to the center of the circle and lifted our arms to the sky.  A flock of white doves flew up and out of the center of our raised hands like magic.  They flew all around us and weaved their flight in and out of the spaces between us, like angels in flight.  Heaven had joined us.

Then we broke from the circle.  No words were expressed, but each of us started walking in different directions, filled with a sense of joy and curiosity.  Each of us was on a search for something in the field.  I instinctively knew when I found what I was supposed to be looking for.  It was a pure, white feather.  None of its hairs were stuck together.  It was perfection.  I was so happy I had found it, and yet it felt like I had been drawn to it like a magnet, sitting in plain sight at the border of the field, waiting just for me. I walked back to the center of the field to see what the others had found.  

The blond boy who had been on my right was already standing in the center of the field.  He looked so proud to have been there first.   He had something cupped in his hands but I could not see what it was.  He was waiting for the others to return to the circle.  I looked into his eyes and they shined with glee and excitement for what he’d found and held protectively in his hands.  

The honey haired girl then joined us.  She had a leaf in her hand, but it was no ordinary leaf.  It was a magnificent maroon colored leaf, laced with bright orange and flecked with gems that shined light like stars, even in the broad daylight.  She was overjoyed with her magical leaf that seemed to reflect what was inside of her waiting to shine to the world.  I felt a sting of jealousy that her object was so magical compared to my plain white feather, but I quickly pushed the feeling aside and expressed a genuine congratulatory loving smile her way.

Then the honey haired boy came slowly sauntering to the circle. He was holding a simple, gray rock.  I pondered to myself why he would have such a boring object, but he seemed quite content with his rock.  Then a realization came upon me that the rock seemed a lot like him, solid and steady, unmoved just like a rock.  Still, I felt a stirring of pain as if he should have something more significant.  Nonetheless, I was happy for him that he was content with who he was.   

I then looked at the blond haired boy.  He seemed like he could not contain his object anymore, but the dark haired girl had not yet come back to the circle.  I looked up across the field and couldn’t see her anywhere.  When the two honey haired children weren’t looking, the boy let me peek into his hand.  My breath escaped me by what I saw.  It was a beautiful baby bird, stark royal blue with white angelic feathers.  I looked at him with great joy for what I saw inside his hands.  He looked so proud and happy and I was so happy for him.  I wasn’t sure if he let me see it because he wanted to let me in on his secret, or if it was an attempt to give the bird a moment of space to see out, as if trying to keep it comfortable and content for a little bit longer.  

Then I glanced up across the field.  The dark haired girl was coming towards us cradling something in her arms.  It was a fluffy white-haired bunny with black splotches.  It looked so content in her arms and she seemed so happy to be lovingly caressing that bunny.  I sensed the girl and her beloved bunny had quite a lot in common in their journey of life, so soft and vulnerable, a nervous twitching, and an instinctive nature to hop from here to there in self-preservation.  Yet here, in this moment, the two of them displayed perfect peace and ease being together, filled with love for each other.  Again, I felt a pang of jealousy inside of me.  Both the blond boy and the dark haired girl had found living objects and mine was just a left behind fragment of something living.  Yet I was sincerely happy for her as well.  

Now that we were all joined again, we turned our attention to the blond haired boy. He was struggling trying to contain the item in his hand.  I looked into his eyes expecting to see the excitement I’d seen earlier but it was replaced with fear.  He did not want to open his hands.   I knew in an instant what he was feeling.  It had dawned on him that the moment he opened his hands, the baby bird would fly away and he would be left with nothing in his hands.  I sensed it was so important to him to have that little bird, to have a precious object of his own.  It pained me to watch his internal struggle.

The others began to get anxious.  They started to encroach and crowd in around him, excitedly trying to coach him to open his hands.  It made him more nervous and sweat began to break out on his brow.  I saw anger come across his eyes.  My breath became trapped as I watched him tighten his grip on the little baby bird.  I could tell he felt a momentary instinct to kill that baby bird rather than let the others smother it by their seemingly demanding demeanors in his state of fright.  I glanced in his eyes that were now welling up in tears.  I saw deep pain calling out to me wondering what he should do.  Everything in him did not want to hurt that baby bird, it was so priceless to him.  I gave him a reassuring look of love and understanding, and I prayed to the universe for him to do the right thing. 

In a sudden moment, he opened his hands and the beautiful little bird flew from his hands circling all around his head and then landed on his chest.  The boy was so happy and relieved that tears of joy fell down his face.  It wasn’t just tears that were falling from him.  All his fears fell away as he watched the bird flying freely and safe from the others, even from himself.  The fear that he would be left empty handed was no longer.  The bird had become his friend, content to be with him.

Then we all sat down on the ground and put our objects in front of us in the circle. Everyone looked so happy with their items and to admire the others. Genuine joy was felt by all for each other, except for me. I still felt a pang in my heart for the honey haired boy with his simple rock. I sensed the others were hiding within them a feeling that their objects were better than his. 

Then the boy picked up his rock and calmly and playfully tossed it back and forth between his hands as if it was a ball. He glanced at each of us as if waiting for attention reservedly, yet not wanting to be the center of attention. When he knew we were all looking, he opened the rock and showed us all the intricacies inside. There were crystal gems glistening bright light. Then he closed the rock into his hands and it became just a rock again. Then he opened it again and this time there were layers upon layers of colors like sediments in the soil. Once again, he cupped the rock in his hands hiding it from view and when he opened it the last time, there were puzzles upon puzzles hidden within the rock and only he had the answers on how to put it back together. The boy knew all along what was hidden in that rock. Yet he sat there humbly holding it content to have a simple rock. He was no fool.

Then I looked at my plain white feather again and I felt left out.  The honey haired girl and boys had their magical items.  The dark haired girl and blond boy had their living animals and I just had a plain, white lifeless feather.  It looked so insignificant now and it had seemed so special when I found it.  Deep within me I felt a searing ache of pain, but I kept it well hidden.  Something inside me said not to show it, to just be happy for the others and I truly was.  

Then God spoke to me from the sky and from within myself.  No one seemed to hear him but me.  He said to me “My child, the feather IS your object and couldn’t be more you.  It’s the feather of a white dove and doves represent peace in my world.  That is what you bring, this is Who You Are, and this is who you have always wanted to BE.  Each little hair of that feather is precious and fragile just as you are to me.  So take good care of that feather and treasure it as I treasure you.”

I wept because God knew me so well, yet I did not. I did not recognize the value of my object, nor the value of me, but God had revealed it all. It now meant the world to me that he chose that white feather for me and I wept even harder in gratitude for a God that is so knowing and good.

Days later in real life I would find myself walking through the field at the Snug Harbor school behind my home. Sitting on the edge of the field in plain sight was a white feather… just like the meditation… waiting for Me.

The White Feather from the field at Snug Harbor School, Quincy, Massachusetts (The “Q”)
Found 3 Days Following the Meditation
It was Magical!!!
Introverts, Life

Reaching Beyond My Comfort Zone

Debra Worden
Photo by Min An on Pexels.com

Tonight I attended the City of Quincy’s annual Chamber of Commerce meeting. It was essentially an opportunity for local business owners and political people to network and to honor individuals and local businesses that have contributed to innovation and economic success for our city. I am not a business owner. I am not a politician. Currently, I do not even have a job. Networking is not even my thing. In fact, social situations are extremely awkward for me. I was COMPLETELY outside my comfort zone but I was there because I am in a place of yearning. I yearn to take what is left of my seemingly insignificant life and use it in a significant way. I am reaching out and networking because I desire to learn from those who have done it or are doing it.

As an introvert, it feels like there is a billboard across my forehead that reveals me as socially inept. I was extremely grateful for the woman named Denise who made immediate introductions and shared that she too was just networking. She gave me useful information she has learned in her experiences thus far and recommended an organization for me. Already I felt a sense of promise. I reached beyond my comfort zone and answers were being provided.

I chose to sit at the table where Denise was sitting. A young girl named Anna sat down next to me. She was easy to talk to and shared she does marketing and fundraising for the Quincy Community Action Program (QCAP). I knew what QCAP was because I enjoyed the benefits of QCAP when my children were very small. A friendly woman named Rebecca from QCAP would come to my home once a week and bring either a new book or toy to help provide early education to lower income families. What a significant thing it would be to support or align with QCAP as a resource for my visionary ideas for the children of our city. Although I still have no formal plan, marketing and fundraising will be a need and I now have a friendly face to reach out to when I do.

After two positive interactions, I felt courageous enough to get up from the table and start walking the room. My plan was to make my way around the entire outskirt and hopefully it would be time to sit down and hear the speakers and awards by the time I made it back to the table. I became conscious of that invisible billboard but pushed through and thought… “I’m going to talk to the first person I see alone because they may feel like me”. I came across this older gentlemen who reminded me of Burl Ives. I could feel a cheerful depth in his character. He shared he does video productions. Well no wonder. Creativity brings joy. He captures it. Another skillset needed for my creative visions. My heart was happy!!! Gifts of resources I could potentially collaborate with and I am ALL about collaboration!

I continued to make my way around the room. There were several people I saw from across the way who I intuitively knew I wanted to connect with. One was an older wise-looking woman who seemed familiar to me. There was another older man with reddish brown hair who also looked familiar. Then there was another a gentleman I saw on Quincy Coffee Talk the week before who was aligned with my visions and goals. Lastly, there was the man whose great easy-going smile I captured from the annual Quincy Flag Day Parade. I wanted to know the man behind the smile!

The most awkward part of this networking experience was every person asking me what business I was from and I would have to reply “I am not a business owner.”, which would inevitably be followed by the question of “Oh, what company do you work for?”, which zapped me in my gut to have to reply “I’m unemployed”, but I would follow that up with forced enthusiasm initially and begin explaining I am exploring becoming a small business. When I began to talk of my ideas for the children, my true enthusiasm would come to the surface. I could tell I was making connections with people’s synapses. Even still, I would leave each person recognizes the degrading reality that I am unemployed and had nothing to offer anyone who attempted to network with me.

The first person I could connect with from those I had scoped out was the older wise-looking woman. She listened to me and I could see in her eyes she had a vision of something… a use. She worked for the Milton Times. She told me to call her and we will have a conversation. Photo journalism and writing is an absolute my dream job of mine. The very fact this woman works for a local newspaper outfit was just another absolute miracle of a connection to be making and she is willing to talk with me!

All of the other individuals were tied up in conversations and I found myself back at the table. I refused to sit down. I went for round 2 around the room. I found a warm looking African American woman standing all by herself. She listened to me talk about my visionary creative ideas for the children and making use of the Performing Arts Center that is to be built in our City. She reminded me with good sense these are hard goals. I acknowledged that but reminded her “Miracles do Happen!!!” She said very warmly back with a loving smile “Yes, they do”. Later, when the mayor talked with pride about developing the Performing Arts Center, the woman locked eyes with me, gave me a huge smile, a big thumbs up and a wink as if to say… “You got this girl!!!” I felt HOPE!!!

I was then able to connect with the man with the smile. He was swarmed with people and all I got to do was introduce myself as the photographer of the photo and accept his business card. Somehow I have all the business cards that were given to me except his so he still remains a mystery man for me. One day, at the right time, I imagine we will make a connection again.

Then I briefly was able to connect with the man, Ian Cain, from the Quincy Coffee Talk program. He was earning an award for his contributions to innovation and entrepreneurship. I shared how much he inspired me listening to him and was able to give him a short summary of my goals. He was interested in hearing more but the speakers were about to begin. I plan to definitely connect with him at a later date and it will not be awkward for me because we have already made introductions.

As we were waiting for the room to settle down, the last man I wanted to connect with who had reddish-brown hair sat at my table. I knew I would chat with him when the presentation was over and I did. He was in real estate. I had promised a friend I would see if there were any real estate connections and here was one. Yet another gift!

Unfortunately, that conversation did not feel as good as the rest. You see… what is currently motivating me to push past my comfort zone is pain. I began to speak of my goals with this man and then I got vulnerable. I shared a bit of my personal story as to why and fell apart. I had to excuse myself and leave. I am not going to beat myself up about it. I was genuine with every person that I spoke with. I got more connections than I expected and they were the ones I needed to help further my goals. I did good. I am a human being and I have pain. It’s a GREAT motivator!