Introverts

Reflections on Living an Inner Life… My River of Heaven… My Dharmavati

April 1, 2011

I am a very “quiet” person.  I bet alot of people would not know that about me because I have “quite” the voice on Facebook.  However, in the real world (whatever that is lol) I am reserved and spend alot of time in an inner life of the spirit, mind and heart.

I used to hate this about me. I used to wish to be more outgoing and a natural with social situations.  I envied people who were free spirits who could be the life of the party… humorous and making everybody laugh.  Meanwhile I was awkwardly uncomfortable with myself and very serious.  I hated my heart and that it was so vulnerable.  I felt like anyone could just shatter me with a word or a look… and often times it felt like they did.  My heart was so openly vulnerable that it would cause me to say sorry to you if YOU bumped into me so that my heart would not be wounded should you be offended for any reason by our bodies touching.  All of this caused me to isolate myself from the world even more. However, in isolating myself… I went deeper inside… and I found myself in a way I never would have imagined.

Today… I love that I am introspective and I thoroughly enjoy exploring my inner life.  I am just fine being by myself and quiet.  I’ve come to value me as I am.  I appreciate how God fashioned my personality to be.  I realize that my seriousness has alot to do with my depth and my quest for the things of meaning and value in life… and it does not mean that I don’t know how to have a good time, laugh or be humorous because I CAN be all those things too… especially now that I am comfortable in my own skin and don’t really care what people think of me and whether or they like me or not. 

In reflecting about the nature of my being a quiet person… I also realize it’s not that I don’t have anything to say… because I have a wealth of thoughts, ideas and emotions to express.  Sometimes it’s just that there isn’t anyone around in my life who is on a level that I feel like I can share my thoughts, ideas and emotions with. That’s why I love Facebook so much.  Because there is almost always another being on here that I can connect with at any time of the night or day who is somewhat on a level of consciousness of where I am… who is magically sharing on some topic that I had just been contemplating deeply upon.

And then there are those times when a person WILL come into my life that is a real body… who I feel completely at ease with for no apparent reason.  It’s as if my soul recognizes their soul… my consciousness just seems to understand who they are without words… and I am able to completely open up with them freely… and I discover a voice I did not know I had… or had forgotten about through lack of use.  There is no thought of vulnerability.  It’s the ultimate trust and connection of a soulmate… and it has nothing to do with “mating” on a physical level.  It’s entirely spiritual, mental, and emotional. 

There is just nothing like being able to share my thoughts, ideas and emotions with such a someone… To listen to them share their thoughts, ideas and emotions in return… To receive the wisdom of their inner being… and to exchange my inner wisdom with them.  It inspires a level of accountability within myself to reach higher, go deeper within, grow more expansively.  It’s a type of spiritual partnership that naturally enables me to move into the being God designed me to be… who I already am… but just haven’t quite fully discovered yet. It’s a “communication” of the most valuable kind.  I consider it a gift from God and I don’t take even a moment of such interactions for granted.  

As I write all this… I realize I miss someone who was a connection of this type… but that’s ok with me too.  My feeling this just shows me the value I place on such relationships of the spirit.  It’s the way my heart is conveying a sense of gratitude for those moments in time that I shared this type of a connection with that person… and those moments will remain forever timeless for me. 

And so I recognize that ultimately… it’s not about quantity when it comes to sharing my voice… my thoughts… my heart…  my soul… It’s about quality.  It’s about knowing when it’s worth breaking the beauty of silence.  Its about knowing… that when there is no other soul around to share myself with… that “I” am the most quality I can offer myself… for I know who I am today… and I love who I am. 

~Inspired by the Thought of the Day written by Allan Beveridge of Twin Powers.

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