Tag: gratitude

"Q" Land Stories, Christian Inspiration, Life

The Crystal Light of “Q” Land

Debra Worden
February 6, 2022

Once upon a time not very long ago, I had what I call a “God Shot” experience, the best kind of vaccine for my soul! It happened on my drive up a hill on a road I think of as the Green Mile of Quincy, a city known affectionately as “The Q” and also annoyingly known as the “City of Lights” since there are so many of them! The Green Mile is located on Quarry Street, which used to be 2 lanes in each direction for a total of 4 lanes. It is now reduced to a single lane in each direction with a new bicycle lane painted and barriers installed to protect the bike lane. At night, the barriers light up with reflectors shining out over the road that seem to keep going and going when you’re driving along side it. Unlike all the other light systems in Quincy, these lights are NOT there for stopping. It’s just Go and Green!!! On this particular drive, it was daytime though and I didn’t expect to see any lights shining back at me, and yet a Light stopped me. A woman. A total stranger.

She was sitting in wait, reading a book on a wall at the entrance to Avalon, a high-rise living complex. There were white, pink and purple flowers all around her in view at her feet. I was instantly captivated. She was a beautiful Living accent to the scene, dressed elegantly in all black so as not to take away from the colors of the flowers and instead complimented it perfectly. It was more than just how she was dressed though. It was her. She had an inner Light and its beauty was emitting from her Being with abundance, calling on me to capture it!

My heart was sparked with energy by what my eyes witnessed before me. As I drove past her the feeling of expansion in my heart fell to sadness and regret. The inner voice inside me said “Don’t neglect this moment! Go back and capture it! Listen to your Heart!”

I could not ignore the call. I turned the car around and drove back to her. I felt a bit of hesitation as I rolled the car to a stop and approached her. Another voice creeped in, the voice of doubt saying, “What if she doesn’t want her picture taken, you’re a total stranger!” Rather than drive away, I simply did the next right thing that came to mind. I rolled down my window, held up my camera and asked permission to take her picture.

She looked at me in astonishment and said “You want to take MY picture?”, as if she wasn’t worthy enough to capture and yet she SO was! Before I got the chance to even respond, she answered excitedly “Sure! You can take my picture! I will pose like I’m a model in New York!” Her Confusion was instantly replaced with a bit of Confidence!!!

I proceeded to get out of the car and cross the street. I only asked for one picture to keep of her beauty against the landscape. I had not intended for this to be a full-on photo shoot but she was having fun and starting posing away like the New York model she wanted to be in that moment! So I went with it and started to snap away like I was the professional photography I am not but sometimes dream to be.

She began to really enjoy herself and became more playful and creative with every pose. As she moved her body and as I moved around her trying to capture all angles, I could feel an energy building between us. She was chatting away as she moved telling me “I can do this and this!!” I echoed her energy back encouraging her with words like, “Yes, You go girl!, Yes, Yes, Yes!!! That’s Awesome! Keep going! You’re beautiful!” The energy between us was grand!!! I was intensely and awesomely Alive!!!

At the height of what seemed a Divine climax of energy, I said “What is your name?” She yelled proudly “Crystal! My name is Crystal with a C!” and points to her belt with a big C on it. I thought how perfect! Crystal! She was a Crystal Ball in my heart in this Moment.

Today, I look back on that day and the pictures of Crystal (below) and feel ALL the same energy in my heart for the Light that she is… a precious child of God willing to Live INTO the NOW moment with me. How divine it is when two sparks of Source energy, are open to allowing the Creator to create, witness and express the sweetness of his loving exchange through them. I know God would LOVE more of such moments. I would wager to bet that violence and all things ugly would fall away naturally if we listen and act in ALL the moments our heart gets captured by someone or something special to say or do.

It all starts by listening to YOU, the voice that matters most, the one within that speaks to you in silence when you’re open to seeing what can be seen in the Present moment. In that space, the “first” thought is usually the best One! The Gift!!!

The gratitude and love in my heart for Crystal is surely a gift of the most precious kind. FREE and Free-Spirited!!! I live with zero regret for honoring my heart-strings and daring to ask a simple question… “May I take your picture?” I can now look back on her pictures on ANY day to connect with the special Light who is Crystal of “Q” Land.

Here are pictures I captured of Crystal, my sister in the Spirit of God. May God’s blessings and goodness follow her all the days of her Life!!! Surely it will due to her willingness to Let Go and Let Loose the child within to play and pose for me… a Total Stranger.

Joined at the Heart ~ David Hasselhoff

A light through the wall
A pure crystal ball
A mystical call between us
Like spirits at the source
Within a silent driving force
Love that reaches everywhere
The energy from you is always there inside me too
Bound by inner visions that we share
I cut my finger and you feel all the pain
You cry and I can hear your prayer
Reading each other so close or apart
Two lovers (of God) joined at the heart
Two lovers (of God) joined at the heart
A light through the wall
A pure crystal ball
A mystical call between us
Like ships upon the tide
We ride the waves and don’t collide
I am you and you are me
Asleep and on my own
I never feel that I’m alone
You’re the dream illusion that I see
Holding each other at the altar of love
Worshipping souls on bended knee
Reading each other so close or apart
Two lovers (of God) joined at the heart
You know what I’m saying when I don’t make a sound
I hear your thoughts and set them free
Reading each other so close or apart
Two lovers (of God) joined at the heart
Two lovers (of God) joined at the heart
A light through the wall
A pure crystal ball
A mystical call between us
A light through the wall
A pure crystal ball
A mystical call between us
A light through the wall
A pure crystal ball
A mystical call between us
A light through the wall
A pure crystal ball
A mystical call between us
A light through the wall
A pure crystal ball
A mystical call between us
A light through the wall
A pure crystal ball
A mystical call between us

Charity

Bringing Love and Lettuce

Debra Worden
July 7, 2021

Yesterday, a dear friend suggested I bring “Love and Joy” to my creative writing process. Today, I found myself bringing “Love and Lettuce” to the Food Pantry at the Germantown Neighborhood Center. Joy, however, was a missing element in my trip. Instead, I walked away sobbing.

  • I sobbed for the mouths I could not feed.
  • I sobbed for the communication barrier between myself and the Asian community.
  • I sobbed for the woman who looked broken hearted when I told her she was taking too much.
  • I sobbed for the old man in the wheelchair who said he’d been there in line since 10 last night.

What prompted me to bring the Love and Lettuce was an experience I had in June. I was walking my dog at Snug Harbor School. There was a very old Asian couple picking leaves off a tree. I had recently downloaded Plant Identification ++ app and was intrigued why they chose this tree. After much communication difficulty, I learned the leaves were edible and used in soups. My heart felt full of awe and admiration for their knowledge and resourcefulness to feed themselves. At the same time, my stomach felt sickened by the reality they did this to meet their BASIC human needs. Eating. I vowed then I would try to provide food from my garden come harvest time.

The lettuce in my garden is now growing beyond what I can consume. I’ve given it to neighbors and friends. I’ve attempted several times to talk to the old Asian people I run into on my walks at the school. I try to ask them if they want lettuce. I try to invite them to come with me to my house and give it to them fresh. They don’t understand me. They end up shooing me away in frustration. I walk away feeling so sad because I know they would be happy to follow me if they could only understand what I was saying. So I decided I would attempt to reach them through the Food Pantry, which is only open on certain days. Today was that day.

I wasn’t sure the Center would just let me bring my hand-picked lettuce. Rather than pick it and have it go to waste, I decided to walk up and find out first. I got there around 8:30 a.m. and found people standing in line. I asked what time they opened and a nice man in a wheel chair told me 9:30. I was flabbergasted they were already in line. He told me he had been there since 10 pm last evening. With a pained look across my face, the only thing I could utter was… “WHY?” His answer was “It’s better to be there all night and be one of the first in line than to show up in the morning and wait in line for hours.” Given that today was a scorcher and there was no shade for the people, I understood him fully. I was extremely uncomfortable after a 5 minute walk in the hot soupy air. Not to mention, I am sure the pickings get slimmer the longer you wait in line.

I asked him if he thought I could donate fresh lettuce from my garden if I picked it. He assured me even if the Center wouldn’t take it that the people in line would. I thanked him for all of his information, gave him a Loving touch on the shoulder, and said “I will be right back”. I walked home crying for this nice guy who waits out all night long for FOOD.

I got the biggest tray I could find and picked as much lettuce as I could possibly fit on it. I then hand-washed and carefully placed each leaf with Love on the platter. Presentation is Everything they say! I say it is about the intention put forth behind the presentation… The Love.

I grabbed a box of Ziploc baggies so people could have something to put their lettuce leaves in and headed back to the school, all the while balancing my big tray of lettuce on top of a baby carriage. It was a feat but I was determined to bring Love and Lettuce to the people.

The line had gotten much, much longer when I returned. I realized there was no way I had enough baggies for everyone and there was no way the lettuce was enough to go around. That pained me.

I was trying to handle both the tray of lettuce and the baby but was struggling to do so. An old Asian woman attempted to help me with the tray. I decided right there and then she needed to be someone who should get first dibs on the lettuce. Rather than bring the tray into the Center, I had her place the tray down on a concrete landing step. I handed her a baggy and motioned for her to take some lettuce. I looked around at the other Asian women nearby and motioned for them to take some as well.

The woman grabbed a section that was a significant portion of the tray. I looked at her and said “too much” and motioned for her to look around at all of the other people. She did not understand me and withdrew completely thinking I was telling her she couldn’t have any at all. She looked so sad. I then reassured her I wanted her to have it and took the baggie and showed how much was appropriate to put into it and handed it to her.

The other Asian women watching us uttered sounds of understanding and their eyes lit up. They reached for baggies and took one appropriate bunch of lettuce I looked out at the others in line and motioned them to come get a baggie. I saw eyes squinting in the uncomfortable heat looking back at me with realization it would be gone by the time they reached me. They were right. It was all gone within seconds. I felt devastated. I did what I could. I should feel good inside for what I could do but somehow it was overshadowed by the pain I felt inside at what I witnessed.

I brought Love and Lettuce. Joy was lacking, but I did find Gratitude. I am grateful I finally bridged a communication gap and was able to feed people who I could tell were very appreciative for it as I KNEW they would be. I couldn’t feed them all, but maybe the lettuce got to those who needed it most. Tonight, I am Content with that thought.

I am going to KEEP bringing Love. Perhaps Joy will follow.

Introverts

Reflections on Living an Inner Life… My River of Heaven… My Dharmavati

Debra Worden
April 1, 2011

I am a very “quiet” person.  I bet alot of people would not know that about me because I have “quite” the voice on Facebook.  However, in the real world (whatever that is lol) I am reserved and spend alot of time in an inner life of the spirit, mind and heart.

I used to hate this about me. I used to wish to be more outgoing and a natural with social situations.  I envied people who were free spirits who could be the life of the party… humorous and making everybody laugh.  Meanwhile I was awkwardly uncomfortable with myself and very serious.  I hated my heart and that it was so vulnerable.  I felt like anyone could just shatter me with a word or a look… and often times it felt like they did.  My heart was so openly vulnerable that it would cause me to say sorry to you if YOU bumped into me so that my heart would not be wounded should you be offended for any reason by our bodies touching.  All of this caused me to isolate myself from the world even more. However, in isolating myself… I went deeper inside… and I found myself in a way I never would have imagined.

Today… I love that I am introspective and I thoroughly enjoy exploring my inner life.  I am just fine being by myself and quiet.  I’ve come to value me as I am.  I appreciate how God fashioned my personality to be.  I realize that my seriousness has alot to do with my depth and my quest for the things of meaning and value in life… and it does not mean that I don’t know how to have a good time, laugh or be humorous because I CAN be all those things too… especially now that I am comfortable in my own skin and don’t really care what people think of me and whether or they like me or not. 

In reflecting about the nature of my being a quiet person… I also realize it’s not that I don’t have anything to say… because I have a wealth of thoughts, ideas and emotions to express.  Sometimes it’s just that there isn’t anyone around in my life who is on a level that I feel like I can share my thoughts, ideas and emotions with. That’s why I love Facebook so much.  Because there is almost always another being on here that I can connect with at any time of the night or day who is somewhat on a level of consciousness of where I am… who is magically sharing on some topic that I had just been contemplating deeply upon.

And then there are those times when a person WILL come into my life that is a real body… who I feel completely at ease with for no apparent reason.  It’s as if my soul recognizes their soul… my consciousness just seems to understand who they are without words… and I am able to completely open up with them freely… and I discover a voice I did not know I had… or had forgotten about through lack of use.  There is no thought of vulnerability.  It’s the ultimate trust and connection of a soulmate… and it has nothing to do with “mating” on a physical level.  It’s entirely spiritual, mental, and emotional. 

There is just nothing like being able to share my thoughts, ideas and emotions with such a someone… To listen to them share their thoughts, ideas and emotions in return… To receive the wisdom of their inner being… and to exchange my inner wisdom with them.  It inspires a level of accountability within myself to reach higher, go deeper within, grow more expansively.  It’s a type of spiritual partnership that naturally enables me to move into the being God designed me to be… who I already am… but just haven’t quite fully discovered yet. It’s a “communication” of the most valuable kind.  I consider it a gift from God and I don’t take even a moment of such interactions for granted.  

As I write all this… I realize I miss someone who was a connection of this type… but that’s ok with me too.  My feeling this just shows me the value I place on such relationships of the spirit.  It’s the way my heart is conveying a sense of gratitude for those moments in time that I shared this type of a connection with that person… and those moments will remain forever timeless for me. 

And so I recognize that ultimately… it’s not about quantity when it comes to sharing my voice… my thoughts… my heart…  my soul… It’s about quality.  It’s about knowing when it’s worth breaking the beauty of silence.  Its about knowing… that when there is no other soul around to share myself with… that “I” am the most quality I can offer myself… for I know who I am today… and I love who I am. 

~Inspired by the Thought of the Day written by Allan Beveridge of Twin Powers.

Transformation

Re-Framing Suffering As Love

Debra Worden
November 3, 2010

(Written during my daughter’s Rebecca’s recovery period from spinal fusion surgery.)

I have been reflecting on a situation that was killing me to witness a little while ago. I now realize it was a beautiful, intimate exchange of love between my son & my daughter.

Rebecca was bawling in pain from doing a little too much today and nothing I did to reposition her seemed to help.  Frankie was watching the whole scene of her crying and me struggling to help her to no avail.  His face was becoming bright red as the stress of the situation was escalating.  It was too much for him and his Tourette’s tics just started to flow from his face. 

After a little while Rebecca finally regained her composure and she says to me “Frankie has a new tic mom” and then goes on to describe what she saw.  She asked me to explain to her why he can’t control it and what it is inside his body that makes him do that.  I tried to give my best explanation in a way that a child would understand and explained to her that he can try to control it but then eventually he has to let it all out.

Then she directed all her questioning towards him and the two of them started this open dialogue with her asking questions and him answering, although he couldn’t really tell her how he is able to control it.  Then Rebecca says that Nicole, (big sis who also has Tourette’s), was doing her tics when she was sitting on her bed in the hospital and it was hurting her back when the bed was shaking but she didn’t want to say anything.

Being the mother, the whole thing was heart wrenching for me. To know that one of my children was laying there in pain, my other child suffers with trying to control an energy in his body that says “let me out, let me tic”, and remembering how much it broke my heart when Nicole would come home from school and release all the tics she had suppressed so kids wouldn’t make fun of her and that she still struggles with it today when she gets stressed. It was just too much for me to handle. I wanted to puke from all the suffering.

But what I realized afterwards was…

That it was the first time Frankie has ever seemed really comfortable talking openly about his condition and I see that as a blessing and a freedom for a kid who has no freedom of choice in what his body does.

That Frankie’s tics came out tonight because he cares about his sister.  The tics overflowing translates to the level of his love for her.

That Nicole’s love was also overflowing as she sat on that hospital bed shaking away with concern for her sister. 

That Rebecca could have been solely focused on her own agonizing condition tonight but she was tuned into her brother’s condition because she cares about him. 

That she sacrificed her own comfort so as not to make her sister uncomfortable when she was shaking her bed.

That I have 3 kids who love and care very deeply about each other. 

That we are one blessed family in spite of our difficulties.