Tag: compassion

Visions of a New Earth

The Calling of My Heart

Debra Worden
August 1, 2020

I know I am not the best listener, but when God calls upon my heart, I do listen.

For some time, I have been feeling an urgent call within to develop a platform to share creative expressions of my writing, photography, art and videos.  Images would suddenly stream through my mind of my voice being shared in the world in ways I would not picture since I am an introvert by nature.  I felt dread in my heart of putting myself out there again after avoiding social media for many years since it had delivered the ugliness of evil to my family back in 2012.  Despite how I felt, I was willing to listen to my intuition and jump back in anyway.  I know I am not the best listener, but when God calls upon my heart, I do listen.

For as long as I can remember there has been an inner knowing that one day, I would serve others during a challenging time for humanity. I did not know exactly when or what my role would be, but I was given visions of landmarks I should be watchful for indicating the time was near. 

In 2017 on my birthday, I was not prepared to experience one of those landmarks. I knew it was time for a call to action and I knew great difficulties were ahead, but I was still willing… so very willing to serve my God and there was an underlying sense of excitement coupled with the emotions of fear within me.  I was with my friend Cindy at the time, who also uses her voice in writing, and I could not even speak at all.  All I could do was cry.

Initially, there was a calm before the storm.  I had no idea the service part would come later because, following the calm, I was thrust into boot-camp training of a proportion I would not have dreamed.  I literally existed in a state of duress and trauma for the next several years beginning with the impacts of climate change to my home after an extremely “rare” bomb cyclone hit New England in January of 2018.  Only two months later, this “rare” phenomenon would hit us again.

From there, I experienced the ineptitude of the insurance industry to morally serve the consumers who feed their bottom lines… our government’s inability to resolve their own flood insurance funding issues… a private internet flood insurance fiasco… and the longest government shutdown in history during a period when I needed them most to resolve these issues.  The government served to be of no assistance when it finally reopened in February of 2019. I decided I had enough and put my house on the market in March of 2019. 

As if this was not enough, the mess that is our health insurance industry completely and utterly failed my family during a time of need and I almost lost my child in July of 2019.  I was a single homeowner with 3 lives dependent upon me without income the entire month of August acting as decision maker for every medical procedure my comatose daughter needed while she suffered with seizures in her brain for weeks.  Amid all this, I quickly pulled my house off the market and pushed through an immediate cash-out refinance to prevent myself from financial ruin.  Thankfully, due to the prayers of many… the medical staff who cared for her… and the strong inner spirit of my daughter… she miraculous survived with no brain damage and is healthy 1 year later.

So here I am in 2020, almost 3 years later, finally ready to use my voice in a period where our Country has been in a state of perpetual trauma for some time now.  I’m calling it my FREE Forever Initial Public Offering.  You see strangely… I am not in a state of trauma or fear during these times.  In fact, from day 1 of COVID and quarantine I’ve had a innate sense of quiet peace and confidence that all is well underlying all of this madness and sadness.  Don’t get me wrong… I have my moments of anger and distrust at all going on but I attempt to do something positive and constructive with those feelings when they arise.

I do believe our country is hitting a bottom of sorts and it may get worse before it gets better.  My experience is God can turn shit into gold, but for God to transform and heal, he must first destroy and remove that which does not serve the highest good.  Light must illuminate the darkness, and for that to happen… you have to look directly into the darkness and it starts with your own.

Our ugliness has had front and center stage for long enough now, wouldn’t you say?  Have we not hurt each other and ourselves long enough? I think it is time to begin the path of recovery and my heart longs to get busy.  To be a healthy America, we must be healthy, loving, compassionate, morally upright citizens.  I am no saint, but I have done much inner healing and transformation work and feel I have something to offer in this regard.  You can visit some of my experiences in the Art section.

I am nearing the end of my 50th year here on planet earth and when I grow up, I want to be a writer / photographer sharing real life stories of the healing of America. I don’t want to just take pictures and tell stories. My heart is calling me to be the hands reaching those who are suffering, sad, fearful and angry and help heal and uplift in whatever way I can. Even if that means the only thing I can do is keep my peace and not add to the fear and suffering in the world. This is what I have been trying my best to do since the virus began. I really have been enjoying the peace but it is time to get busy now. I’ve spent the past several months working with my counselor to remove trauma of last year so I could be more effective in my role. I’ve also been spending time creating this website, which is a huge upgrade from the simple blog I created back in 2012.

My vision is to be a modern day Mrs. Rogers Neighborhood type communicator of sorts, connecting people to their own inner wholesome and goodness. That is what we liked about him isn’t it? He was kind, patient, calm and good and he taught us things. He brought us on inner journeys of our imagination with Lady Elaine in the Neighborhood of Make Believe. I have no idea how it is all going to come together yet, I am just willing to be a vessel through which God can heal and transform. He will provide content as he sees fit.

My dream is to help Re-Create America and I want America to about our Recreation. With God all things are possible and with AI such things are possible. Truth, Values and Community need to matter again, starting with valuing humanity and forgiving humanness, including our own. It is time to bring forth the best of who we are individually and collectively.

I have many Visions. I Dream Big!  May it be so!

My intention is that whoever visits here, leaves here fractionally shifted towards the ideals of healing, truth, compassion, purity, and love. The World could use more of these things. It is going to take a lot of hard work to get there. Are you ready?

I AM


Life

The Great Fall

Debra Worden
June 29, 2011


Not too long ago I had what I call a major breakthrough. It was the beginning of a falling away of many thoughts, beliefs and patterns of living that were holding me hostage; too many to cover in just one blog. Not coincidentally, it was Fall when this happened. So I’m calling this The Great Fall.

You see… for years, I had been living my life with a HUGE sense of responsibility to help rouse the sleeping souls. What I mean by sleeping souls are those people who exist day in and day out… caught in traps of soul suffering and discontentment… missing out on All That Is present right here, right now….

  • Perfect Perpetual Peace
  • Ultimate Reverberating Joy
  • Abundant Love Beyond All Love
  • Complete Oneness in Essence with All Living Beings
  • Experiencing the Fullness of Your Being
  • Feeling Intensely Alive!!!
  • Truly Knowing The “All That Is”… GOD Within.

I’ve felt this. I’ve experienced this. I KNOW this. From the moment I experienced this in all its mystical and magnificent glory, my life has never been the same. The reaction that followed shortly thereafter was a sense of sorrow for all the people who don’t know this experience. After all, I didn’t know it… until I KNEW it.

I began to feel the weight of people’s suffering in this world on a very deep level. I’ve always had a compassionate heart but this was empathy in a way I had not experienced before. I carried it silently within me and there was an imperious urge to help the lost and suffering; to do anything and everything I can to help unblock people from their soul pain; to help them see and feel and KNOW the truth of what exists. For those who are near and dear to me such as my children, my goal was to minimize their pain; to do everything I could to prevent them from becoming blocked from the Light of their own Spirits. I was on a Mission.

Unfortunately and fortunately, I don’t live in this ecstatic state 24 hours a day 365 days a year. Otherwise, I might not even know suffering exists and wouldn’t have the heart to help. The truth is, I still experience my own periods of soul suffering. However, when I’m not lost in my own stuff or giving everything I have to work through it, I’ve been doing my best to give my all to help in the healing of others; or to share a glimpse of peace, joy, or love to people whom I cross paths with and pain I feel, even if our lives intersect for only a moment.

Although I believed I was making a difference all these years, it never quieted the urge within me. It only made it stronger. My heart ached deeper for the pain of other people… for their separation from the “All That Is”… from themselves.

What began as a Mission eventually grew into a dire desperation. It was as if I was hanging from a rope for dear life and the rope was tearing through the flesh of my palms. No matter how painful it got, I had to keep grasping and trying to help people, even at the expense of my own skin. I didn’t think anything was wrong with it. I believed I was following in the footsteps of a soul that walked this earth over 2000 years ago who gave his life to save others.

I finally reached a breaking point and at the same time, things were breaking loose within me to lead me into a healthier way of living and of treating myself more kindly. In the midst of all this breakage, I had a visual image of me and the life I had been living.

I saw myself swimming across the ocean with very long, very hard, very determined strokes trying to keep myself afloat and survive, and at the same time, reaching into the depths of the sea pulling up as many souls as I could along the way. 

I didn’t like what I saw. I felt overwhelming self-compassion and sadness for my own soul’s pain of desperation. The rope I’d been grasping onto tore straight through to my heart and I felt so much despair and confusion.

As usual when I’m overcome with emotional pain, I turned to music that expressed how I felt. I searched for the video of a song I’ve always loved called “I’d love to change the world” by Ten Years After. As I listened to the words which sang…”I’d love to change the world, but I don’t know what to do” my heart was calling out to God with everything I had in me. I didn’t want to stop helping but something didn’t feel right, didn’t look right about that image of me in that ocean. I placed my burdens before God and then had a major breakthrough in my thought process.

I realized I wasn’t just trying to change the world; I was trying to hold the weight of the world on my shoulders. I was trying to play God. God conveyed to me very clearly it was not my job and he doesn’t want me to feel that way, and as a matter of fact, he doesn’t even need my help. I was humbled. The world is not mine, it is God’s. He is in control not me. If he has done what he has done for me… then God’s grace is available to everyone else as well. I realized the sad truth that I just didn’t Trust God to do it. Wow… what a revelation! No wonder I had so many issues with Trust.

After listening to that song, the breakthrough was sealed. I meditated and let God guide it as always. He took me on a visual journey in my mind which sometimes happens to me in meditation. I saw myself swimming with all my might in that ocean again but then suddenly I stopped. I exhaled in surrender and slowly flipped over and moved into a back float. I saw myself being supported by the water…. by God’s love… holding me. The sun was beating down on me from the sky… the warmth of God’s love shining down on me. There were little ripples of waves glistening from the reflection of the sun all around me. Light, Love and Peace was all around me… above, below, everywhere… and I rested in him… with Trust.

So what’s changed? The intentions of my life are exactly the same, but I no longer feel the intensity of having a MIND that is constantly thinking about how to help at each and every moment yet feeling helpless on some level. I no longer have an unquenchable WILL determined to contribute in the healing of souls and feeling like that will isn’t truly making enough of a difference. Instead I have a HEART for all of this that is supported by my mind, my will, and my growing Trust in God… in Life… in Myself.

I still feel the pain of the lost, but what comes from my heart is love, compassion, and willingness to give what I have from a place of Peace and Trust in God, not out of sense of duty or of fear for the people I am trying to help. It’s a totally different experience. You can’t understand it, until you understand it. And no, I’m not always perfect at it, but I’m doing much better at it all the time and, as usual, God has been giving me many lessons on surrendering and trusting to further seal the deal.

Fear is like plaque that clogs the arteries of the heart. The flow just cannot come through to feed the rest of the body with blood if it exists. We must relax, trust, and have a completely open heart system to let God’s energy flow through us with peace and ease to help in the healing of the rest of God’s body. We can be much more effective in helping others in this way…. for this is how God’s energy flows to us… willingly… with no fear… no sense of obligation… no exertion and straining… just with Love.

Transformation

Re-Framing Suffering As Love

Debra Worden
November 3, 2010

(Written during my daughter’s Rebecca’s recovery period from spinal fusion surgery.)

I have been reflecting on a situation that was killing me to witness a little while ago. I now realize it was a beautiful, intimate exchange of love between my son & my daughter.

Rebecca was bawling in pain from doing a little too much today and nothing I did to reposition her seemed to help.  Frankie was watching the whole scene of her crying and me struggling to help her to no avail.  His face was becoming bright red as the stress of the situation was escalating.  It was too much for him and his Tourette’s tics just started to flow from his face. 

After a little while Rebecca finally regained her composure and she says to me “Frankie has a new tic mom” and then goes on to describe what she saw.  She asked me to explain to her why he can’t control it and what it is inside his body that makes him do that.  I tried to give my best explanation in a way that a child would understand and explained to her that he can try to control it but then eventually he has to let it all out.

Then she directed all her questioning towards him and the two of them started this open dialogue with her asking questions and him answering, although he couldn’t really tell her how he is able to control it.  Then Rebecca says that Nicole, (big sis who also has Tourette’s), was doing her tics when she was sitting on her bed in the hospital and it was hurting her back when the bed was shaking but she didn’t want to say anything.

Being the mother, the whole thing was heart wrenching for me. To know that one of my children was laying there in pain, my other child suffers with trying to control an energy in his body that says “let me out, let me tic”, and remembering how much it broke my heart when Nicole would come home from school and release all the tics she had suppressed so kids wouldn’t make fun of her and that she still struggles with it today when she gets stressed. It was just too much for me to handle. I wanted to puke from all the suffering.

But what I realized afterwards was…

That it was the first time Frankie has ever seemed really comfortable talking openly about his condition and I see that as a blessing and a freedom for a kid who has no freedom of choice in what his body does.

That Frankie’s tics came out tonight because he cares about his sister.  The tics overflowing translates to the level of his love for her.

That Nicole’s love was also overflowing as she sat on that hospital bed shaking away with concern for her sister. 

That Rebecca could have been solely focused on her own agonizing condition tonight but she was tuned into her brother’s condition because she cares about him. 

That she sacrificed her own comfort so as not to make her sister uncomfortable when she was shaking her bed.

That I have 3 kids who love and care very deeply about each other. 

That we are one blessed family in spite of our difficulties.