Tag: purpose

Transformation

Just Write!!!

Debra Worden
May 30, 2011

So here I am beginning to blog.  I’ve only been talking about it for a month now but resisting.  What was the big hold back?  Well… DOUBT.  Every time I began contemplating what to write, my thoughts would turn to all kind of questions… the defeating kind of questions… the kind of questions that tell me I’m worthless… the kind of questions that stop me in my tracks from being a useful source to humanity.  But the real waste isn’t in sharing worthless material… it’s in not sharing at all.  So here I am… writing about the questions. 

Questions like…

  • “Who would really want to read your blog? I mean what makes you so special?”
  • “What makes you think you have anything worthwhile to say… to read… and do you really think anyone is going to get any REAL benefit out of it? REALLY????  Who are you kidding?”
  • “Aren’t you being a little high and mighty and grandiose by calling your blog ‘The Calling’?”
  • “Do you really have a calling? If so, why aren’t you out there ministering to the world instead of spending all your free time on Facebook when you’re not working, doing domestication stuff,  mothering 2 kids and hosting a plethora of neighborhood kids?”

I mean look at you Deb… you’ve got THREE kids and one of them isn’t even speaking to you right now.  Yeah okay… people love you… people want to hear what you have to say… you touch people alright.  Look at all of the people who’ve been fleeing your life because of YOU!! 

Ministry should start at home before trying to help heal the world!  And look at all the brokenness in the relationships around you that YOU caused because of YOUR decision to divorce your husband!!  Look at your damn life for God’s sakes!!!  What the fuck are you thinking???  Get a freaking grip!!!

Okay… I’ve said it!  I’ve exposed all my fears.  I’ve let the cats out of the bag.  They can really claw at me now!  But maybe… just maybe… the cats needed to be released.  Not so I can be wounded by judgment or failure….so I can make space… so the cats can run wild… away from here. 

The truth is… there really aren’t any cats… and there is no bag.  It’s all in your mind and you don’t really believe what your mind is projecting anyway.  Deep down… you believe in YOU… the gentle, loving, strong, giant Light that you ARE… king of the jungle… Leo the Lioness.  So let yourself ROAR girl!!  Share what you’ve got to say even if you’ve got no clue where you’re going with it.  JUST WRITE!!! 

Alrighty then!  Let’s look at those questions again now that the imaginary cats are gone.  Let’s look at them with the eyesight of the Lioness.  


“Who would really want to read your blog? I mean what makes you so special?”

Well… LOTS of people!  Just look at all the people who read and intimately respond and react to your Facebook stuff.  Look at all the people who seem to truly care about Deb and Deb’s world and what Deb has to say.   You ARE special because you FEEL special by all of the wonderful people you label as ‘special’ that you interact with.  You say it ALL the time… “water seeks its own level”!  Believe it!! 

I’ll be honest… sometimes I ask myself why people care to interact with me?  I am continually in awe over the people… total strangers… who find me on Facebook and make very real soul-felt connections with me.  I am amazed at the time people take out of their day to read through what can sometimes be very lengthy threads on my wall or very LONG comments I make on their posts.  I know they do because of what they add to the conversation.  They WANT to participate and I can clearly see they have a desire to share their own personal experiences, wisdom and words of encouragement with me… not to mention other viewers who may benefit.  So yeah!  I’ve got an audience and I KNOW it!


“What makes you think you have anything worthwhile to say… to read… and do you really think anyone is going to get any REAL benefit out of it?

Well… let’s look at the evidence.  There are numerous people who’ve told you the impact you’ve have had on them by what you’ve shared on Facebook.  How many times have you taken a leap of faith and posted things you were hesitant to put out and people have appreciated your honesty or told you it was EXACTLY what they needed to hear?  Or how about all the silent observers you thought were laughing at you for putting your personal stuff out there and sharing your candid openness with respect to God and spirituality?

Yes indeed…  there have been many of them who have sent private messages to tell you how much you inspire them and given them courage to make some very REAL changes in their lives.  Yes Deb, YOU’VE GOT IT!!  You’ve got stuff to say!!!  Not only that, but the stuff you have to say is THE most valuable stuff a person can talk about… soul stuff!  You believe this with all your heart so DON’T doubt the worthiness of what you’ve got to say for a second, because this is the stuff that makes living your life worthwhile. You believe in it!!!


“Aren’t you being a little high and mighty and grandiose by calling your blog page ‘The Calling’?” 

Well… NO!  One thousand percent NO!!!!  Of all the questions you could ask yourself, this one is filled with the most bullshit and you KNOW it!   You know it because the answer came so quickly and you felt your energy shifting towards conviction.  You can see it in the point blank “NO”, nothing further needs to be said.

Why do I know I have a calling?  Well… because I’ve had it for a really, really long time; because I’ve answered it on various occasions in a variety of ways and witnessed the results; because it pulls on my soul continuously in a way that I cannot ignore; because I always seem to be in a waiting state for the next Call; because I’ve experienced the magical mystery of an open line of communication with and without words between myself and others through the speaker of all speakers… GOD. 

I’ll never forget when I first knew I was called to be a voice for God in the world.  It was at a group gathering held weekly in a private home.  Initially, I had been the seeker in that group.  I had so many questions and rarely received answers.  One member, Kevin Dixon, recognized the strong desire for truth in me and introduced me to another type of group where I engaged in the most soul-searching process of my life.  I found the answers… they were within me the whole time.  Simultaneously I became engaged to the greatest love of my life… my God. 

Well, one Sunday night the topic of the meeting was about the God of our understanding and there were many in the room that had little to no understanding.  As each person took turns going around the room, I listened and my heart was breaking… they didn’t know.  They were pondering, they were inquiring, they were ridiculing, they were angry at him, but not one of them KNEW God.  I could feel an energy building inside of me.  It felt like a fear-based energy because there was a heat… a build-up… a rushing feeling inside of me… like a flame turning into a powerful fire very quickly… the fire of God. 

When it came time for my turn to speak, I opened my mouth and the words just flowed effortlessly.  Gone was the intensity of the fire and it was replaced with a peace.  The words that came from my mouth were gentle, yet strong; simple but conveyed deep wisdom; promoting but yet attracting every single person in the room. 

I still don’t even remember what I said, but I will never forget the experience of it.  There was a spellbound atmosphere in the room.  It was as if time stopped and everyone’s souls were wide open and deeply hungry and there was me… I was not the food… but I was the delivery girl.  I could literally feel the transference of something going on while I was speaking, as if there was an invisible umbilical cord between me and all of them.

When I was done speaking, the room was speechless and there was a sense of awe in everyone’s eyes that asked “What just happened? What did I just witness? What did I just experience?  Give me more!!”  I could feel it in all of them.  I would hear from each of them individually in the days following telling me how powerful it was. 

There was one guy, Wayne, who never looked at me quite the same after that day.  He actually made me feel uncomfortable at times the way he would look at me as if I was different.  He would openly refer to me with other people as a very deeply spiritual person.  I didn’t feel like I deserved this kind of reference because I felt I had only just begun my walk on the spiritual path.  Not only that, the power was not from me.  I was the messenger but the message was not mine.  It was from God. 

Because of this experience I knew exactly what the bible was referring to when years later I read it and discovered the passages that said” Jesus spoke as one who had authority” (even though he was not in the authoritative role of a Pharisee), and what Jesus meant when he himself said “These words are not mine, they are from my father”. 

To this day, I still get those warning signs that God wants to use me and I am supposed to speak and someone always comes up to me afterwards and confirms I heeded the Call.  So why am I not content to just continue to do what I do with speaking?  Well… because God isn’t content with that.  He’s been calling me into new directions for some time now.  I don’t know the “what’s” or the “where’s” but I’ve felt the tremendous pull and I’ve remained open to the details falling into place. I don’t think writing is the only direction he is calling me to either.

Why a blog?  Well… a number of people have told me I write beautifully and say I have an ability to share things beyond the copy/paste quotes that I put out daily.  It was mentioned to me a while back by my friend Marie that I should start my own website or blog.  I tucked it away and felt like it was a good possibility but didn’t feel it was the right time with everything I had going on in my life. 

Recently I’ve been developing a new friendship with my co-worker Cindy who is a writer.  I shared a few of my writings with her and she spoke to me as “one who has authority” and told me very strongly to “JUST WRITE!!!”  It was a different type of authority if you know what I mean (haha).  Through my resistance the past month, she keeps encouraging me in a very adamant way.  Something tells me she won’t give up until I do it, so here I am.  If anyone is helped by my blog, they can thank Cindy, the force who pushed me and helped me set it up.  She may not realize it, but she is a messenger herself… because God used her to push me for His purposes.


“Do you really have a calling? If so, why aren’t you out there ministering to the world? And what about your current messed up life situation?” 

Well… I believe I have given much to those who appear to be broken or who have vacated my life.  I trust that God, in his infinite wisdom and bearer of blessings, is going to be the power that transforms their lives and I am very clear that it’s NOT going to be through me.  If I have any part in it at all, it’s only that I allowed the opportunity for God to make such transformations by heeding the very real, very strong Call on my own life for a re-direction.

So what do I hope to accomplish with this blog page?  To do exactly what I do on Facebook but on a more extensive level of writing…. to be me… to share me… to share what God would have me share of my doubts, my fears, my strength, my wisdom, my faith, my experience, my hopes and my dreams for myself and the world.

It has always been clear to me I am not supposed to be a religious leader, in part because there isn’t any one religion whose dogma I believe in whole-heartedly and in part because I don’t like the spotlight.  I prefer to remain a humble behind-the-scenes kind of servant of God… quietly touching as many lives as I can and bringing healing in a way that allows people to touch and heal a deeper part of themselves and remove what blocks them from knowing true joy, true peace, true happiness, and true love… for that is what God IS.

(Written in 2011… my initial calling… which I heard but put on pause in 2012 due to a detour to love and release a devil disguised as an angel delivered to me through Facebook. It took years for me to recover. Break time is over!!! Time to play catch up!!! ~8/2/2020)

Visions of a New Earth

The Calling of My Heart

Debra Worden
August 1, 2020

I know I am not the best listener, but when God calls upon my heart, I do listen.

For some time, I have been feeling an urgent call within to develop a platform to share creative expressions of my writing, photography, art and videos.  Images would suddenly stream through my mind of my voice being shared in the world in ways I would not picture since I am an introvert by nature.  I felt dread in my heart of putting myself out there again after avoiding social media for many years since it had delivered the ugliness of evil to my family back in 2012.  Despite how I felt, I was willing to listen to my intuition and jump back in anyway.  I know I am not the best listener, but when God calls upon my heart, I do listen.

For as long as I can remember there has been an inner knowing that one day, I would serve others during a challenging time for humanity. I did not know exactly when or what my role would be, but I was given visions of landmarks I should be watchful for indicating the time was near. 

In 2017 on my birthday, I was not prepared to experience one of those landmarks. I knew it was time for a call to action and I knew great difficulties were ahead, but I was still willing… so very willing to serve my God and there was an underlying sense of excitement coupled with the emotions of fear within me.  I was with my friend Cindy at the time, who also uses her voice in writing, and I could not even speak at all.  All I could do was cry.

Initially, there was a calm before the storm.  I had no idea the service part would come later because, following the calm, I was thrust into boot-camp training of a proportion I would not have dreamed.  I literally existed in a state of duress and trauma for the next several years beginning with the impacts of climate change to my home after an extremely “rare” bomb cyclone hit New England in January of 2018.  Only two months later, this “rare” phenomenon would hit us again.

From there, I experienced the ineptitude of the insurance industry to morally serve the consumers who feed their bottom lines… our government’s inability to resolve their own flood insurance funding issues… a private internet flood insurance fiasco… and the longest government shutdown in history during a period when I needed them most to resolve these issues.  The government served to be of no assistance when it finally reopened in February of 2019. I decided I had enough and put my house on the market in March of 2019. 

As if this was not enough, the mess that is our health insurance industry completely and utterly failed my family during a time of need and I almost lost my child in July of 2019.  I was a single homeowner with 3 lives dependent upon me without income the entire month of August acting as decision maker for every medical procedure my comatose daughter needed while she suffered with seizures in her brain for weeks.  Amid all this, I quickly pulled my house off the market and pushed through an immediate cash-out refinance to prevent myself from financial ruin.  Thankfully, due to the prayers of many… the medical staff who cared for her… and the strong inner spirit of my daughter… she miraculous survived with no brain damage and is healthy 1 year later.

So here I am in 2020, almost 3 years later, finally ready to use my voice in a period where our Country has been in a state of perpetual trauma for some time now.  I’m calling it my FREE Forever Initial Public Offering.  You see strangely… I am not in a state of trauma or fear during these times.  In fact, from day 1 of COVID and quarantine I’ve had a innate sense of quiet peace and confidence that all is well underlying all of this madness and sadness.  Don’t get me wrong… I have my moments of anger and distrust at all going on but I attempt to do something positive and constructive with those feelings when they arise.

I do believe our country is hitting a bottom of sorts and it may get worse before it gets better.  My experience is God can turn shit into gold, but for God to transform and heal, he must first destroy and remove that which does not serve the highest good.  Light must illuminate the darkness, and for that to happen… you have to look directly into the darkness and it starts with your own.

Our ugliness has had front and center stage for long enough now, wouldn’t you say?  Have we not hurt each other and ourselves long enough? I think it is time to begin the path of recovery and my heart longs to get busy.  To be a healthy America, we must be healthy, loving, compassionate, morally upright citizens.  I am no saint, but I have done much inner healing and transformation work and feel I have something to offer in this regard.  You can visit some of my experiences in the Art section.

I am nearing the end of my 50th year here on planet earth and when I grow up, I want to be a writer / photographer sharing real life stories of the healing of America. I don’t want to just take pictures and tell stories. My heart is calling me to be the hands reaching those who are suffering, sad, fearful and angry and help heal and uplift in whatever way I can. Even if that means the only thing I can do is keep my peace and not add to the fear and suffering in the world. This is what I have been trying my best to do since the virus began. I really have been enjoying the peace but it is time to get busy now. I’ve spent the past several months working with my counselor to remove trauma of last year so I could be more effective in my role. I’ve also been spending time creating this website, which is a huge upgrade from the simple blog I created back in 2012.

My vision is to be a modern day Mrs. Rogers Neighborhood type communicator of sorts, connecting people to their own inner wholesome and goodness. That is what we liked about him isn’t it? He was kind, patient, calm and good and he taught us things. He brought us on inner journeys of our imagination with Lady Elaine in the Neighborhood of Make Believe. I have no idea how it is all going to come together yet, I am just willing to be a vessel through which God can heal and transform. He will provide content as he sees fit.

My dream is to help Re-Create America and I want America to about our Recreation. With God all things are possible and with AI such things are possible. Truth, Values and Community need to matter again, starting with valuing humanity and forgiving humanness, including our own. It is time to bring forth the best of who we are individually and collectively.

I have many Visions. I Dream Big!  May it be so!

My intention is that whoever visits here, leaves here fractionally shifted towards the ideals of healing, truth, compassion, purity, and love. The World could use more of these things. It is going to take a lot of hard work to get there. Are you ready?

I AM


Life

The Great Fall

Debra Worden
June 29, 2011


Not too long ago I had what I call a major breakthrough. It was the beginning of a falling away of many thoughts, beliefs and patterns of living that were holding me hostage; too many to cover in just one blog. Not coincidentally, it was Fall when this happened. So I’m calling this The Great Fall.

You see… for years, I had been living my life with a HUGE sense of responsibility to help rouse the sleeping souls. What I mean by sleeping souls are those people who exist day in and day out… caught in traps of soul suffering and discontentment… missing out on All That Is present right here, right now….

  • Perfect Perpetual Peace
  • Ultimate Reverberating Joy
  • Abundant Love Beyond All Love
  • Complete Oneness in Essence with All Living Beings
  • Experiencing the Fullness of Your Being
  • Feeling Intensely Alive!!!
  • Truly Knowing The “All That Is”… GOD Within.

I’ve felt this. I’ve experienced this. I KNOW this. From the moment I experienced this in all its mystical and magnificent glory, my life has never been the same. The reaction that followed shortly thereafter was a sense of sorrow for all the people who don’t know this experience. After all, I didn’t know it… until I KNEW it.

I began to feel the weight of people’s suffering in this world on a very deep level. I’ve always had a compassionate heart but this was empathy in a way I had not experienced before. I carried it silently within me and there was an imperious urge to help the lost and suffering; to do anything and everything I can to help unblock people from their soul pain; to help them see and feel and KNOW the truth of what exists. For those who are near and dear to me such as my children, my goal was to minimize their pain; to do everything I could to prevent them from becoming blocked from the Light of their own Spirits. I was on a Mission.

Unfortunately and fortunately, I don’t live in this ecstatic state 24 hours a day 365 days a year. Otherwise, I might not even know suffering exists and wouldn’t have the heart to help. The truth is, I still experience my own periods of soul suffering. However, when I’m not lost in my own stuff or giving everything I have to work through it, I’ve been doing my best to give my all to help in the healing of others; or to share a glimpse of peace, joy, or love to people whom I cross paths with and pain I feel, even if our lives intersect for only a moment.

Although I believed I was making a difference all these years, it never quieted the urge within me. It only made it stronger. My heart ached deeper for the pain of other people… for their separation from the “All That Is”… from themselves.

What began as a Mission eventually grew into a dire desperation. It was as if I was hanging from a rope for dear life and the rope was tearing through the flesh of my palms. No matter how painful it got, I had to keep grasping and trying to help people, even at the expense of my own skin. I didn’t think anything was wrong with it. I believed I was following in the footsteps of a soul that walked this earth over 2000 years ago who gave his life to save others.

I finally reached a breaking point and at the same time, things were breaking loose within me to lead me into a healthier way of living and of treating myself more kindly. In the midst of all this breakage, I had a visual image of me and the life I had been living.

I saw myself swimming across the ocean with very long, very hard, very determined strokes trying to keep myself afloat and survive, and at the same time, reaching into the depths of the sea pulling up as many souls as I could along the way. 

I didn’t like what I saw. I felt overwhelming self-compassion and sadness for my own soul’s pain of desperation. The rope I’d been grasping onto tore straight through to my heart and I felt so much despair and confusion.

As usual when I’m overcome with emotional pain, I turned to music that expressed how I felt. I searched for the video of a song I’ve always loved called “I’d love to change the world” by Ten Years After. As I listened to the words which sang…”I’d love to change the world, but I don’t know what to do” my heart was calling out to God with everything I had in me. I didn’t want to stop helping but something didn’t feel right, didn’t look right about that image of me in that ocean. I placed my burdens before God and then had a major breakthrough in my thought process.

I realized I wasn’t just trying to change the world; I was trying to hold the weight of the world on my shoulders. I was trying to play God. God conveyed to me very clearly it was not my job and he doesn’t want me to feel that way, and as a matter of fact, he doesn’t even need my help. I was humbled. The world is not mine, it is God’s. He is in control not me. If he has done what he has done for me… then God’s grace is available to everyone else as well. I realized the sad truth that I just didn’t Trust God to do it. Wow… what a revelation! No wonder I had so many issues with Trust.

After listening to that song, the breakthrough was sealed. I meditated and let God guide it as always. He took me on a visual journey in my mind which sometimes happens to me in meditation. I saw myself swimming with all my might in that ocean again but then suddenly I stopped. I exhaled in surrender and slowly flipped over and moved into a back float. I saw myself being supported by the water…. by God’s love… holding me. The sun was beating down on me from the sky… the warmth of God’s love shining down on me. There were little ripples of waves glistening from the reflection of the sun all around me. Light, Love and Peace was all around me… above, below, everywhere… and I rested in him… with Trust.

So what’s changed? The intentions of my life are exactly the same, but I no longer feel the intensity of having a MIND that is constantly thinking about how to help at each and every moment yet feeling helpless on some level. I no longer have an unquenchable WILL determined to contribute in the healing of souls and feeling like that will isn’t truly making enough of a difference. Instead I have a HEART for all of this that is supported by my mind, my will, and my growing Trust in God… in Life… in Myself.

I still feel the pain of the lost, but what comes from my heart is love, compassion, and willingness to give what I have from a place of Peace and Trust in God, not out of sense of duty or of fear for the people I am trying to help. It’s a totally different experience. You can’t understand it, until you understand it. And no, I’m not always perfect at it, but I’m doing much better at it all the time and, as usual, God has been giving me many lessons on surrendering and trusting to further seal the deal.

Fear is like plaque that clogs the arteries of the heart. The flow just cannot come through to feed the rest of the body with blood if it exists. We must relax, trust, and have a completely open heart system to let God’s energy flow through us with peace and ease to help in the healing of the rest of God’s body. We can be much more effective in helping others in this way…. for this is how God’s energy flows to us… willingly… with no fear… no sense of obligation… no exertion and straining… just with Love.